sam loves running :)

2010-11-14T18:19:00.001+08:00

because grumpy toast deserves this too! (:

its been a long week.

sitting in church this morning i felt like the last time i went to church was a long long time ago. perhaps, its also because ive just been so far from God lately. in the midst of my busyness and stress, why is time with God always sacrificed and one of the first to go. time with God should never be compromised, because that should take first place on the throne, rightfully so.

so how now sam? no more tommorows, no more next times, change will not take place overnight, but change must start from within, slowly but surely.

leaving a lasting legacy, something ps edmund has preached on before, investing in lives of others and making a difference, praying for people, helping them whenever possible. this is something i want to work towards, especially with the start of a new year round the corner. being overseas there's ample opportunities for us to help each other in the big and small ways, and I hope to seize those opportunities. i think this year ive not been very good at that, with so many things going on everything was just taking its toil on me. sometimes i was too focused on myself other times i just shrunk back into my corner when i just wanted to be alone, but im determined to let God's love pour out from my life next sem.

God has been so gracious to me, more than I can ever imagined and Im ever so grateful for that. I need to let embrace this love and be a good living testimony for Him!

and put God at the centre of it all once again, re-align my life, re-align my purposes, its time to stop wandering away. the worship leader today said when we worry about something we're putting it at the centre and not God, I pray that every morning I will wake up and commit my day to God, every morning I will thank God for the good and the bad, every morning I will remind myself to anchor in Christ.

this has been a LOOONG draining week of exams, well 4 more papers to go till the end of exams! i cant wait for that to happen and then chill a bit before going to tasmania for my long awaited holiday (: and then its back to sunny Singapore! even more long awaited. hahaha ...

planning to go back next june .. haha 21st birthday aye (:! plus its just a good refreshing break in the middle of the year. haha

ciaoz!
another 5 more days and .... (: still, I thank God for the exams(: for... I cant think of a reason now but nevermind, (:

2010-11-09T05:04:00.002+08:00

my grumpy toast(:

felt a lot better after talking to people. i realised i really need people around me, people who i can really talk to for hours about everything and anything under the sky.

anyway, really felt the love yesterday. by everyone. dont know if they somehow knew or it was just God showing His love through the people around me, but anyway, all of you are greatly loved. although most/all of you wont actually read this. i really really am very thankful for you guys, every little thought counts(:

despite some disagreements/stuff that comes along with close friends, i realised how much i need them. im looking forward to living in a house with 2 girls again (: (: (:

xoxo

2010-11-01T22:27:00.002+08:00

my grumpy toast! you've been neglected. so im back to nurture some care into you since i know ONE person who still comes here !

hehehe :) to the person who has seen me cry a bit too many times, I LOVE YOU :) thanks for being there for me all the time, even when im stressed and grouchy and homesick and not a very happy person to deal with. hehehe.

and thanks for all the prayers!!! its so heartening to hear people say that they'll keep you in their prayers. hardcore studying is SO hard to keep up with. pressure cooker much?

ciaoz

2010-09-01T16:45:00.001+08:00

the destined end of man is not happiness, nor health, but holiness

2010-08-05T21:27:00.001+08:00

so so many things going on right now i cant keep track of anything. slow down please somebody

life.....

2010-07-04T05:20:00.002+08:00

a week has passed since my holidays has begun. joanna is here and we've been going all over the place. its been tons of fun. tiring, but fun. with the few people left here in brissy everyone just hangs out together.

in the past week, i drove! it might not seem like a big thing but honestly to me its a HUGE thing because i havent driven ever since i got here and i also never drove without daddy beside me. hehe. picking up people, driving to the airport! HAHAHHAA yay ^^ thanks to the person with the car, for trusting me with it ;p and also for coming along all our outings (:

im no longer in the blogging mood, which isnt good cos i wish to pen down my thoughts and reflections as time goes lest i forget. ohwells.

1. dreamworld.

2. dfo. museums.

3. mt glorious/mt nebo.

4. city day! markets. city. museums. picnic.

5. harbourtown. westend.

hehheh. i feel like a tourist myself ! (: hope joanna's enjoying herself in brissy, even though its really not a tourist spot and there are so many places we cant go to.

on a side note, i miss my housemates!

today's gonna be a chill day. ciaoz.

2010-06-14T18:20:00.002+08:00

exams start T-O-M-O-R-R-O-W! hahaha. wowwie. two weeks and that it'll be over and that spells DREAM WORLD and SYDNEY and JOANNA and loads of other things. hiphiphurray! cant wait for 24th june. ^^

its a long time since ive written my qt reflections, yf reflections here. is that because ive been writing more in my diary? no. its because i havent been writing at all. going overseas has truly been an experience for me, so much so that its hard to pen it down. but its been almost a semester. the semester felt short, but the time spent here.... 4 months? hehheh.

im not really making any sense. but all i wish for my 20th birthday is that one wish. i really hope that it will come true...

sometimes i ask myself, if only. if only .... but why think about if only? we cannot change the circumstances we're in, all we can do is to make the best out of it and move on from here.

i miss watching all the korean dramas and taiwan dramas i used to watch and daydream over. LOL. woes of a little teenage girl.

will you?

to end this off!

Apostle Paul gave up his rights for the sake of others. many times though, its so hard to really put all these into practice, because human nature is so different from the kind of person that God wants us to be. but i press on towards the goal for the prize that lies for us at the very end and the fulfilling life that God wants to give me. :)!

2010-06-06T16:31:00.000+08:00

no time to waste.

i have no week. that's all i have.

what would jesus do?

2010-06-04T01:20:00.003+08:00

we all have our worries and we always want to make our worries seem like the biggest or make ourselves seem like we're in the worse situation. why so? why not try and help the people around me and try to cheer everyone on. exams are coming and everyone's getting stressed. im working on it.

but its so easy to fall prey to being selfcentred.

before i point my finger at anyone else, i must first examine myself. gulpz.

to let go of getting the perfect grades. because "grades arent the most important thing". so easy to say. so hard to truly believe. i admit that i am hoping in some way or another, or striving for a 7 in every subject. i also know that everyone, or most people more or less are. even if we say we're just trying to understand whats going on. just trying to keep up. we always secretly hope for the best dont we. and there's nothing wrong with that. i really hope to be a source of encouragement to my friends and a source of help in this stressful period. i need to work on this!

all the best everyone! press on (:

its so hard to be honest sometimes. everyone hides. but to what extent?

its 330am. i should pack my bag so that i will be able to roll out of bed in time for lecture tomorrow. rollllll out of my bed.

speaking of which, I NEED TO GET A NEW QUILT BEFORE I RETURN MINE ON THE 21ST OF JUNE. HAHA

2010-05-30T16:18:00.002+08:00

just wanted to pen my thoughts down before i forget. have been learning so much about serving others recently. coming to church to build up and not for ourselves but to build up the church and to encourage one another. from 1 cor 11, the Lord's supper. 1 cor 8: not destroying our brothers or damaging their conscience. from romans 12 in qt: to love one another in brotherly love. honour others above yourselves.

all for the good of others. how have i been thinking for others lately? how have i been serving them when they need help. and doing it in love and without complains or grudges. I pray that God will continue to guide me and teach me to love my brothers and sisters. that in the little moments that count, that he will catch me and make me pause and think about what He wants me to do.

off to tennis! :D

2010-05-30T14:11:00.002+08:00

my table is really bad for my neck and back posture !! argh. ahah

so its the last week of school. the semester just flew by like that! maybe cos its only 13 weeks of school compared to 20 weeks of school for the past 12 years. but i really enjoy what im studying and learning. as much as i complain about the 7 papers. about all the things i have to remember, i am enjoying myself here.

i really thank God for yf and bible studies. and for the people that i have met here. for the environment and this opportunity to study overseas!

cant wait to move into college too.

bye loves!

blogging is not really a party of my life anymore. and i know why. and im trying to deal with it and ill be back. :D

2010-05-09T11:29:00.002+08:00

after this, i shall start on my psyc essay and finish it by today

need to start focusing on the right things in life. how do i maximise my time in australia and at the same time let my life surround what is fundamentally important? a reminder that the soul is much more important than the body - a trivial aspect of our life on earth. yet, we pay so much attention to it.

at the end of it, what do i want to take away from this place?

today is Mother's day, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! (:

when i go back to singapore, i really wanna cooook good meals for my friends and family. (: (: (:

now i understand why some people like to drink.

2010-05-03T15:00:00.000+08:00

im back from the coasssst. had a great time with my beloved physio friends + kenneth. :D

went to eumundi market on the first day where we had churros, momos, lots of free samples and saw cool art and craft stuff. after checking in, we headed to this island to play ball and such! also, waded in the sea (?) for a while. much love! second day went surfing (third time and its so tiring and im not very good at it) then had fish and chips! and went for this awesome tour (wild kangaroos, hinterlands (with icecream), lookouts, waterfalls, swimming in freeeezing natural rock pool under the waterfall, cheese factory, fudgyboombah, trekking in darkness! great!) third day, fishing at 530am in the morning! wanted to catch the sunrise but after loads of whining and nobody waking up--> woke up at 530 to find out that the sun had risen. haha hilarious. but i caught a fish! first fish of my life! (: and we steamed it and had steamed fishhh.

that summed up all we did for our little getaway. which was really a good getaway. haha however! its the post holiday syndrome AGAIN, the -sian- i dont feel like doing anything feeling. haix! depressing.

but well! i will not let this get me down! i will ... pull myself together and do something productive. goodbye!(:

coming home to good food in the fridge too (: (: (: !!!

2010-04-29T08:35:00.002+08:00

hiii im back from church camp. for quite a few days already actually. after which i had a physio test and some lessons and im off for another short break this long weekend! really looking forward to that.

really really thank God for the friends i have here. church friends and school friends and etc. yesterday one of our coursemates was saying how lucky we are to have each other because we can hang out together and help each other and don't have to keep having to make new friends. i guess it works both ways, because we are such a closed group already we dont really meet a lot of new people. but its also very helpful to have this group of friends because honestly in uni, the new friendships you make very often are not very deep. but anyhow, im thankful for whatever circumstances God has given me.

today i learnt: we have to learn to have uncertainty in our lives as long as the only certainty in our life is our certainty in God. apart from that, we might be uncertain about what plans he has for us, uncertain about different things in life but that is okay as long as we are certain about Him. so, i will live with the uncertainty in my life!

i feel like such a superficial person sometimes. grow deep grow deep.

2010-04-18T20:16:00.003+08:00

sunny sunny sunny bank today! :) chicken rice and nasi goreng and milk tea love. and good company too = a happy day. with grocery shopping @ yuens & woolies :D

went for the 100th yr celebration of UQ as well.. saw this awesome performance by the deep blues! it was really really awesome and magical and im really glad i wasn't lazy and went out to watch that "dust spectacular performance"

had a really awesome weekend really. feel really blessed to have all these people around me to bring us around and to help us whenever we need help and really just treat us so kindly. God is really good and I must remember how He goes before me wherever I go. am looking forward to church camp too! :)

school resumes tomorrow. (without the hectic rush of tests and assignments..) im all geared up for it! (: even though my internet is really cranky tonight and crawling at a snail pace... and i have no idea how to do my physio essay. but all's good.

knowledge puffs up, love builds up.

2010-04-18T06:31:00.002+08:00

im still very satisfied with yesterday's breakfast pide @ some cafe in new farm! its really yummy... it really reminds me of the food at rider's cafe! i wanna go back there when i go back to singapore. (:

also, yesterday i had bobo chacha and egg tart! since the longest time.. haha :D

yesterday's yf was also a good old reminder, that the most basic thing that we all have to do is to be faithful to our Master because we are His servants and stewards (: im going to remember this every morning when i wake up because that is what counts :) thanks Daddy for being so good to me. (:

2010-04-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

2010-04-17T15:57:00.002+08:00

i realised that perhaps over the course of time I've lost sight of what is truly important. that ive not truly treasured/maximised my experience here, and that x has also caused me to waste a lot of time and energy.

so for now, im going to pull myself together and start all over again. and remember, that God is all that i need.

2010-04-07T08:56:00.001+08:00

Back from newcastleeeee. had a great time there, thanks pammie !

heh. okay tired. dont feel like studying.

..... take nap first. hehe

byebye!

2010-04-01T08:41:00.003+08:00

i blog so much less nowadays! i dont know why

anyway today is april fool's. (:

and tmr marks the start of my easter break !! even though i have a lot of stuff due after that, but still, its a holiday.

i guess i should blog more so that when i look back at this portion of my life, it wouldnt be a blank. im starting to adapt to life here and enjoying it more and more (: even though i feel more like a student then ive ever been in my whole life.

i miss all the afternoon trainings, morning runs, be it swimming training or running training. always trying to improve, racing, etcetc, training with a team .....saw the nag results and also cross nationals and the upcoming nationals. goodness, i really want to be there !!!

its been about 6 weeks here now though i feel like ive been here for 10. or a whole sem. haha.. start to realise how life is very much individualistic and how community is there for support and stuff but ultimately, we're still pretty much alone. haha .. save for family of course (: miss our dinners... going to church together etcetc

speaking of which, im going for a church camp! ends a day before my physio midsem, but hopefully it'll be worth it. if all else fails, ill get my physio seniors to give me last minute tutorials at camp! ;p

alright, LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!! (: happy sandwich waiting for me in my bag as well.

ps i need to get the discipline to roll out of bead in the morning to run!! :o

2010-03-24T08:05:00.002+08:00

shall blog a short while before starting on anat and my bio assignment. ahha

learning to settle down and adjust but that doesnt mean i dont miss home

its only been about a month since ive been away! cant believe it. feels like its been really really long

oswald chambers is really a good book which makes me think about my faith a lot

high standards indeed!

monday went to shums place for dinner and it was really good! good food + good company

havent felt the 'homely' feeling in ages actually really thank God for these people who are so lovely and sweet

yesterday was pizzzaaaa night and also studied at library with friends(: haha but cant seem to remember a lot of stuff these days. must conquer anatomy! if i was at home, my whole family will be sure to hear me laughing and rattling off all the random bones and foramen and mucles in the body to them ahahah ..

today is josiah's birthday so HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST BROTHER :) doubt he will read this but i miss you too :) just miss you being there.. i miss going to my parents/brothers room and stealing their bed. hahaha !

i hope i dont lose this side of me when i go back/grow older!!

and whats bugging me now is the decisions i have to make !!!

sunshine coast on saturday?friday?sunday?

blackberry?????????

college???????

ahahah btw egg and cheese is a super good combi (:

i came to school to study so I AM GOING TO STUDY NOW bye :)

2010-03-19T07:57:00.003+08:00

because nobody will understand unless you go through it yourself

i know what you all are getting at and i know that myself and im working at it. sometimes, its the way you bring your message across.

anyway, watched dear john yesterday! :)

first movie in aussie!! it was last minute cos we went to get heater and stuff.. and bumped into charissa and shumin. i quite liked the show :) the whole army thing and letter writing and being away kind of just jumps out at me

even though the ending/twist was kinda weird.. but it was okay. i think the way they write letters is so cool though. every morning i look forward to opening the mailbox to see if there's a letter written for me. HAHA but there's only been one so far ):

gotten my textbooks from the post ! also coles chocolate is on SALE!!! ahah oh and track training is as discouraging as EVER but i hope i persevere and press on........

also, the book that daddy and mommy gave me the oswald chambers one is really good! everything it says is so striking.. about how abraham's physical separation is akin to our mental/moral separation now in that we view things differently from other people sometimes. and how truly NOTHING else matters other than God.. it holds very high standards but thats what we ought to work towards yeah? (:

everyone is studying around me its scary :o hahahaha time to hit the books!!! haha ciaoz

2010-03-14T05:02:00.002+08:00

yesterday i went to lone pine and saw koalas and kangaroos and its such a nice place cos you can go into this big grassy area and the kangaroos are all hoppping around..... ! ahah took a photo WITH the koala too hugging it and that costs a bomb but i really wanted it! i also played touch rugby which was super duper fun!!! i love it haha

Mark 10.28 “Then Peter began to say unto Him, Lo, we have left all, and have followed thee..”

Our Lord replies in effect, that abandonment is for Himself, and not for what the disciples themselves will get from it. Beware of an abandonment which has the commercial spirit in it – “I am going to give myself to God because I want to be delivered from sin, because I want to be made holy.” All that is the result of being right with God, but that spirit is not of the essential nature of Christianity. Abandonment is not for anything at all. We have got so commercialized that we only go to God for something from Him, and not for Himself. It is like saying, “ No, Lord, I don’t want Thee, I want myself; but I want myself clean and filled with the Holy Ghost; I want to be put in Thy showroom and be able to say – ‘This is what God has done for me.” If we only give up something to God because we want more back, there is nothing of the Holy Spirit in our abandonment ; it is miserable commercial self-interest. That we gain heaven, that we are delivered from sin, that we are made useful to God – these things never enter as real considerations into real abandonment, which is a personal sovereign preference for Jesus Christ himself.

When we come up against the barriers of natural relationship, where is Jesus Christ? Most of us desert Him – “Yes Lord, I did hear Thy call, but my mother is in the road, my wife, my self-interest, and I can go no further.” “Then,” Jesus says “you cannot be my disciple”

The test of abandonment is always over the neck of natural devotion. Go over it, and God’s own abandonment will embrace all those you had to hurt in abandoning. Beware of stopping short of abandonment to God. Most of us know abandonment in vision only.

abandonment to God ... such a big word. this was something from oswald chambers that really spoke to me i guess

yf yesterday about the gospel and evangelism and stuff was good:) i really like yf!

dont think my homesicknesss will ever go away but i pray that that will not distract me from life in Australia :)

tata

am i the only one who cant stop crying

2010-03-09T15:53:00.003+08:00

trying to sleep my feverrrr away!

okay im not exactly very cheerful right now for a whole variety of reasons but i dont really wanna be a spoilsport and i wanna cherish this experience/opportunity presented to me and i am enjoying it here i actually like the slow pace and such but it would be better if i had some family to spend time with

i love my school campus and i kinda love what im studying. im grateful that i have so many friends here and that im not alone. i like the weather.

i just miss my family alot alot but i seem to be the only one still pining over them/homesick etcetc i miss family dinners i miss talking to them i miss all the meals we have together i know if i am in singapore uni life will be very different/i have a family to come home to everyday etcetc a whole list of things i miss i miss my friends too.

this experience will make me grow make me more independent make me appreciate my family more and i know that this experience is an experience of a lifetime so i WILL make the best out of it..

my head is spinning so badly now and i feel like such a big baby

even homework doesnt really distract me anymore

but i SHALL study now.

college in sem 2 ?!?!

2010-02-25T17:44:00.002+08:00

okay past few days have been busy. shopping (FOR THE HOUSE) playing going around etc.

school's starting soon! hahaha.. today had this welcome talk which was well, exciting but at the same time, kinda overwhelming..

i guess i have to remember that God is here with me. thats something i have to constantly remind myself. amongst all the issues going through my mind.... that He is above me and my life is to serve Him. the rest are novelties.

so many things going through my mind now, but tonight i finally get to rest at home :)

am happy with my rest and metime. :)

2010-02-21T21:06:00.002+08:00

i miss home i miss home i miss home i miss home i miss home

safe and sound in brissy:)

if not because im at maria's house now i think ill spend my entire night crying. haha!

but anyway, the weather's pretty nice, nice place/environment etc..

got my luggage from auntie felicity which really really is my saving grace it has all the stuff that i need to make my room as me as possible. she cooked really GOOOOOD dinner and we attended this aussie church? yeah :) people are really friendly and nice and yeah! kinda long/i was very tired though ;p

okay .. first day here. still got loads to adjust. just now i was stuck in my room cos no car/dunno where anything is/how to use public transport/no internet = stuck! hahahaa

hmm okay gonna shower now ! :)missing all of you ......... ):

silent readers (ahem ahem andrew) hahahaha hello :) aha i actually have an lj which i use sometimes too but its flocked sometimes hahaha

2010-02-13T01:18:00.002+08:00

the grumpy toast really describes me right now! hahaha grumpy frumpy

sigh.

i hate packing and i wish you would stop saying stuff like that/etc.

if im flying tomorrow... i wouldnt have to think so hard.!

2010-02-08T11:34:00.003+08:00

yesterday we the farewell thingy my dad organised for me! mostly his friends + my dg... haha still thinking if i should have one for my friends but i think by the time i decide, there'll be no more time left to plan anything!

anyway, it went well! there was so many people etcetc haha yah everyone said it felt like a mini wedding etcetc but i thank God for everyone who came (: every single one matters! ^^ haha .... yeah will miss seeing these people around. close or not, sometimes its just the comfort and the familiarity of the environment. haha...

especially since i have SO many things to do like packing. packing is seriously very headachey for me! im leaving on next saturday, so soon yeah! but yeah seriously ... I.HATE.PACKING. ): haha

hmm. some people hide the truth too much from others. for fear of failure? because of competitiveness? fears. ambitions. selfishness. human nature. me.

..... hate packing. ):

2010-02-06T09:55:00.002+08:00

ive been going back to hc for the past two days and i really miss the place because jc was truly a very memorable for me... !

the place the environment is just very heartwarming and i wish i can come back for maf for the next four year but unfortunately that is not very possible at all but its okay i hope i can come back after that even though i will be so OLD by then! haha

i realised that some days i think a lot but dont feel like writing or typing my thoughts even though i ought to. because thoughts reveals a lot about myself to myself.??? anyway im uttering rubbish. all i wanted to say is how much i love hc and my hc friends and that im leaving in exactly two weeks.

makeover my anger

2010-01-31T20:50:00.001+08:00

what daddy said is true. its an opportunity! so ill try to make the best out of it and find a job there during summer break and not fly back home. so that also means i might not be home until two years later.... but we'll see! hahaha ! two years is really a long time.

hehe ive also got three big packets of milo, crysanthemum and oats to pack into my luggage (which i foresee to be exploding) haha i need some expansion power. this reminds me of the video we did in sec2 on the bottomless bag! mel and silin and jacq and i did it together! i was clearing my files on my computer the other day when i saw it.... that was real funny. hahahah !

today's sermon was really good
very often the root of any form of emotions are ..
1)our insecurity.. due to unmet needs etc
2)uncertainties of the future.. because we yearn for significance
3)present frustrations of unmet expectations.. we want success

these are things that bug me often. yet things that we can never fully remove because that is part of human nature, yet we still have to slowly pray for God to teach us how to deal with these and submit our needs, our expectations to him and also the need for significance,the need for success .. all these have to be surrendered to Him. recognising that these are of secondary importance to following Him and seeking Him and doing His work!

and one line in last week's sermon notes said: keeping your direction clear will cost you your popularity. choose not just the good things but the God things. Jesus direction was not to lead a large crowd with the wrong motives (being dazzled by His miracles) but to teach and reach as many as He could and develop His disciples to lead a world-changing movement. The miracles were to accompany and authenticate the gospel, not vice versa.

Also, how often do I think of His second coming and of eternity? I pray for Your grace and mercy to be upon me to help me to increase in my FAITH. :)

so many areas of my life to grow in. it is indeed a long journey and I thank God for all my friends that are walking this journey with me! thank God for community! and for the new community im gonna plant myself into. I thank God for going ahead of me to pave the way, will always remember that verse...

three weeks :D

2010-01-30T21:36:00.003+08:00

its time i start journalling/reflecting etcetc and stop being so distracted! this holidays have made me a very distracted person.my heart is flying all over the place. i need to settle down because i am starting a new life soon and i am starting school soon.

God i wish i could say things about you and about me that are true but i am far from it. its just a thin wall whats stopping me? i want to put my whole heart and soul into this, im gonna stop saying i want and im going to just do it. dont think! dont give excuses. its time to make it into a routine into a habit i cannot leave without because I know how this is not for you but for me... how much i love you is not determined by how much i say it but how much i show it and im going to invest in this relationship because its the most important relationship in my life! God saved my life. i know... this will not last. i know me and me short-lived enthusiasm. but I pray that God will give me the strength to press on even when its dry even when its difficult to cross that point until I will feel empty without Your daily input. there are things we do DAILY, this has to be part of it!

also, yanxiang and joanna keep saying im extroverted. hahahah!!!! i was never one .... ;p but anyway, it doesnt matter because I am slowly learning to accept myself ...

at the start of the year i told myself i wanted to journal more because journalling helps me a lot.... but yet in recent days i havent been journalling as much as i would like to. its the end of january and im going to do something about 2010!

i got my first farewell card/gift from auntie sarah today! its very pretty, its going up on my wall in my new home. speaking of which, ive got flatmates now! i hope we can find a nice place which is cheap and good and lovely. (l)

yes, preparations are beginning............ my journey. ^^

2010-01-29T08:26:00.002+08:00

alright so im back from camp! haha it was good:)

1.many reminders

2.great place, nsrcc: seriously the best chalet ive ever seen its SO SO nice

3. great people! the uq seniors are really really nice people and im really glad i got to know them at this camp. :D

anyway, there were many reminders about what the true gospel is about. about God sending His son by His grace and mercy to die for MY sins so that I can live....... that simple fact is so amazing. Why do we always have to add onto the gospel to make it sound "better"? the simple truth in itself. We miss the whole point when we talk about everything else that is secondary to the gospel, because all these wants/needs/expectations of ours will never last...

at the very end, these are all small matters ...!

the emphasize on the central gospel was repeated over and over again and i think im starting to learn more and more about what it means, what the heart of the gospel is. funny isnt it, after being a christian all my life.. I guess I just took many things for granted.anyhow, I'm really thankful to God and to the people He has placed in my life

I have 22 more days left! haha time really flies, its time to start packing, start buying whatever I might need, to finish up my montage and article ASAP!!!

... and to look for a place. :o

new look for a new beginning

2010-01-20T21:28:00.001+08:00

extreme makeover hohohohoho today i had a great adventure first with maria then louisa shijun and peishi! haha

i cut my hair twice in a day this is a day i will never forget cutting hair with friends is fun!! and thanks to my dearest friends who dragged/convinced/waited for me to cut my hair A SECOND TIME.. retarded i know but yeah! they were very nice and supportive etcetc and ..tata~~ a new samm to start school in aussieland.

ahah new haircut, new itouch, new phone, etc.. thanks everyone! :D loves

2010-01-18T20:18:00.002+08:00

33 days:)

hahaha i am trying to stay at home more nowadays so, if you ask me out and i am not free i am really really sorry okay. you can come and visit me at home, that will be great!!!!! best of both worlds. haha

ermerm! today was really peaceful :) my montage is not really making any progress but today i went to charmaine's house and i got some dramas from her hard disk! yay and we had quite a long chat which was really nice :) i like how we can be so comfy with each other even though we're no longer in the same church, and the fact that we've known each other for really really long and can go through the different seasons in life together. haha even though you probably wont read this, but i really really treasure our friendship very much. :D

haha okay .... im gonna cut my hair. !! no regrets haha

tata~

2010-01-15T20:37:00.006+08:00

ERM the auntie refused to sell me a pao because i only had 10 dollars and the pao is 70 cents.. how can she have no change?? ...

anyway i have

1. a neater room!! thanks to dinosaur

2. and a NEW HAIRBAND!! <3

3. and also a gr8t nickname for my bff dinosaur bcos i cant spell louisaurus ?? properly haha

4. thanks so much.. for coming all the way to TAMPINES to help me pack i know you are dead tired by now i hope you dont miss any of your stops and get home safely in time for dinner! and you get to play with ur nephew...

5. i hope i get to meet him in person one day

6. i love you dinosaur! HAHAHA

7. and i threw away ALOT of things.. more to come haha in order to make space for newer things :) the old must go so the new can come

8. and also my resolutions which i have not really been keeping to..

9. eaten at HK kim gary AGAIN!! finally

10. just to make it a round number

some things have got to change !

today was my last tuition with alex... all the best in hc :) :) hope that i have been some help somehow or other!

and um... leading worship tmr gulp help

2010-01-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

swensens two days in a row!! hahahahaha sigh okay no more swensens until i leave !!!

haha i wanna eat popeye's before i leave.

also i changed my blogskin!! not exactly grumpy but the toast is so cute dont you think! :D

haha ...

played badminton with my brothers today and they are improving kazaboomz i shall make it a weekly affair to play from now on.

haha ... and make an attempt to stay at home more often now because i have less than 40 days to go...

packing in action!

2010-01-12T12:11:00.002+08:00

i am checking my email obsessively for a reply from grace. :x but the idea of finding my own house and looking out for the stuff i like excites me as well, so now im fine with that idea and the freedom, but i just hope i get a reply from grace soon! also im now on the waitlist for toowong, and raymont still has space, so that leaves my options open. but still.. the idea of sourcing for rooms for rent doesnt sound too bad afterall.

yesterday we had pre-departure UQ talk which saw a lot of singaporeans gathering... we joined the singsoc society already!! how quick. also i saw some familiar faces like some guy from church whom i never really talked to or never really knew, but he's also david's friend so. haha and also i believe i saw a fellow swimmer there .. haha perhaps we'll all get to know each other in due time.

well everything's starting to fall into place.. timetable, orientation, departure stuff, before i know it ill be leaving for aus and all, and its exciting! haha .. on another hand its also pretty scary being so independent going so far away etcetc, but im gearing up for this crazy adventure! ;) haha

anyhow, yesterday my bro collected his O level results he did pretty well but what surprised him and us was his sciences .... and i was sad for him so i cried which looked really dumb but because i know that he really put in the effort and deserved better. and that I knew this was something he really wanted, going to hc and all. but I guess God has other plans for him and I pray all these will work out in due time. He knows better I guess. :) ! haha anyhow my brother is a very mild person and im sure he'll get over it quicker than any of us... i hope he opens up and grows up to a good gentleman. hahaha!

okay, lots of words! should be packing instead. zzz and doing things like my reflections due sunday and also my montage. and such. haha ... im sitting on the floor with the lappie on my lap and i like days like these :)

gdbye! <3

the treasure pearl

2010-01-10T22:53:00.002+08:00

haha today's sermon was a good reminder... counting the cost.

that all my credentials and things i chase after are not only secondary but at times hindering my walk with Christ and disadvantaging me when it blocks whats most impt.

remember the truth!!!

also had a good time of frisbee with church friends. im starting to get to know more people and getting to know some people better. which im really thankful for because ive always wanted a community that i can grow in and have the support and encouragement as we journey together.. and stuff. but im leaving soon and i really hope these friendships?? new as they might be can hold even as i go overseas.... i will miss my cg peeps esp! ):

and then we had a gr8t dinner at aunt's place i loved the chocolate molten cake but what followed was a series of not too good episodes.

sometimes the same things are brought up over and over again and i do not understand a large part of it. i am always going overboard and rude and stuffs but then again i do not know what i have done wrong! it doesnt help that you only plonk this on me three months later when you explode and then .. nothing changes anyway. and it amazes me to see how you can say that when ive always not been a retaliative person. and perhaps now that im growing up and trying to say what i think ... its hard to accept.

but im growing up and im turning twenty this year..... sometimes thats why being the oldest is hard. its when we all gotta adjust. its the first time for all of us. and sometimes i feel we just keep going in circles....

letting go is always hard.

and sometimes its not that i take things too lightly, if everyone's alr reaction is so big alr am i supposed to add to that? perhaps im not so expressive in this way even though sometimes i talk before i think today i probably just made a wrong moment by moment decision.

ANYWAY whats done is done and i guess this will pass so :) ill just let it pass!

btw i dont think my driving is good or anything. i just want to be given a chance to learn and to make mistakes. thats all :)

2010-01-10T00:25:00.004+08:00

haha, havent blogged here in a week!

today we went through last week's sermon again.. about miracles and all that.

which made me think about the 'miracles' God has done in my life:)

yeah.. it may not be anything super BIG! or like WOAH, but there are still many things that He has done that has proven his faithfulness all this while.... haha

and i hope to grow in faith and trust like the servants, who were able to do whatever he told them to do!! amazing.. haha

today met up with uncle lawrence and family! haha and he has a sister in brisbane! so cool right.

i think its very wonderful how God has placed so many people in brisbane to help me settle down.. and to provide the support that i might possibly need when I go over. and so my parents can be more "an xin" as well

and i really look up to uncle lawrence and auntie regina as a couple who is really godly and stuffs and i learn a lot from them !!! hahaha

anyway, im so tired. we had such a feast at dinner tonight ! hohoho

:) learning to have more inner peace :)

oh!! and i got a new pencil!! from carolyn! its really cute ttm ill post a photo another day :) :) im gonna bring it to aussie and USE it! hehe <3

psalms 84

2010-01-01T16:48:00.003+08:00

IM SO TIRED. i want to sleep one whole day awayyyyyy and not do anything!

haha HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE(:
went to church feeling half asleep but was greeted with a lot of smiles!! and cheerful greetings! so that woke me up tremendously (:

this year.. signifies a new decade. in terms of the year and in terms of my life, cos this is the year im turning 20!the big TWO.. ahah i cant really believe the fact that im TWENTY. hahaha i feel like 16!

anyway, i was really touched by the people at the church who were all so up and awake and cheerful about coming early in the morning to kick start the year with God, while I was still moaning about in my semi-awake state...

so this year,
1) a delightful heart
2)a devoted heart
3) a decisive heart

How lovely is Your dwelling place...

i need You more than ever and i cannot do this on my own so God, carry me please. i dont want to just get through life but i want to live it well.

at the very end of the day, You are what matters most to me.

2009-12-31T10:56:00.002+08:00

birthday (belated?) treats from carin from taiwan: orange flavoured lip gloss in the lego man tube! ^^ plus rabbity pen

plus this is the photo of lunchbox from louisarous cyj that she bought from my fav shop!! it was my christmas (?) surprise hahaha. pardon my facial expression cant get the right smile in the morning! stoned face hehe it is of no relation and no indication of my feelings when i opened my surprise! or when i saw the packaging !!!! haha also check out my new nails .......... btw i destroyed my big toe nail colour because i thought it was dry so i sat on it !!! so now my nail has the prints of the texture of my chair ... (do you understand?) haha ....

all these are going with me to australia!!! which i can start packing for soon because i have less than 60 days to go hehe

today is the last day of 2009! how exciting is that i had omelette for breakfast

... i blogged because i was so excited about the webcam software i downloaded so i can now use my webcam to take photos of things i wanna show people ^^! yay

introducing members of the butterfies club ^^

and also claypot rice @ ecp for mummy's belated birthday celebration .. one day i will introduce my blog to my parents so they can read about my happening life in australia... haha just kidding i think ill extract some parts and package it into an email for them ^^

okay i doubt many people will read this but happy new yr's eve everyone!

2009-12-29T22:39:00.002+08:00

tired !!!
iceskating this morning was fun! but i wish i could do more than going around in circles. haha ...

met up with primary school friends too
it was really random but it was unexpectedly fun!
even though we havent met up for so long, but ...
it was very comfortable
we should have more meetup sessions! haha

pluspoint: IT WAS AT TAMPINES!!! HAHAHAH

gdnite

thank you God for letting me witness this .... i am amazed at Your hand

2009-12-28T23:40:00.002+08:00

okay im ready!
wait on the lord, be strong and take courage, and wait on the lord.
ps 27:8 ?

today was a good day :)
catched alvin and the chipmunks 2 with my family! GOSH THEODRE IS SO SO CUTEEEEE hahaha i love him to bits. he's the bestest best. awww.. it was quite touching actually!like i teared at some parts. hehe

and, i have yet to watch avatar. actually i didnt intend to watch it but since everyone says its so good! hahaha ^^

and then claypot rice for mummy's birthday!!!! yummy :) it was good. and then we had starbucks for desert :)

hohoho...... yes, i think im ready to embrace 2010 :)

iceskating tmr! ^^

and im growing faaaaaaaat from all the christmas feasts. o.o there's still new year and chinese new year !!!!! ohman. ahhahaha :x

haha I really pray sincerely that God will grant me my wish in terms of accomodation, if not, I guess I have to trust that He has better plans for me! :)

yes, samm is coming back ^^

2009-12-17T00:19:00.000+08:00

busy week, really really busy week!!!
PACKED TO THE BRIMZ of activities..
finally gonna get a breather tmr.

shall update tmr :)

had lots of fun though :D :D

100% God, 0 % me.

2009-12-13T14:34:00.003+08:00

mentoring session today was good :)
cleared up a few doubts and yeah! learnt about sanctifying grace

spiritual disciplines are disciplines we have to work towards, but whether or not God chooses to give us a breakthrough is up to His grace, thus it is still 100% God and 0 % us even though we are the ones having to work out the spiritual discplines.praying, fasting, quiet time, etc ...

its coming to the end of the year! time to start thinking and praying about 2010 :) what do i want to do and what do i not want to compromise?

also, about judging people and having our opinions. i always wondered... on how we shouldnt be judgemental and all. but how do we prevent ourselves from forming our opinions on a person? haha sharon couldnt find the verse so she'll get back to me, but she said its about being just in our judgement. do we know the person's struggles? do we know the person 100%? do we know the person's thoughts etcetc like God does?haha more often than not its no. so like how we feel that others are wrong to think about us in a certain manner because they dont know us fully, we also cannot fully know another person. haha! human beings are SO complex!

back to sanctifying grace.. haha meaning to be made Holy/transformed to the image of Christ. we must be sanctified by faith and not by works! faith faith faith! it was the theme for kids camp too! and we talked about acceptance based performance and performance based acceptance. we live in a society that emphasizes performance-based acceptance, but God is different.

He has already accepted us, and it is through this acceptance that He helps us and brings us through the things He wishes to bring us through. this is really difficult to put into practice and i think ill take forever to really capture and apply this principle! but i hope to put this somewhere in my value system, where i can catch myself everytime i and seeking acceptance and remind myself how God has already accepted me. i dont have to prove myself anymore. :) i know how much what people say can affect me, but im learning, and i hope that i am climing up a spiral staircase and not going in circles :)

and back to kids camp! i think kids camp was a real blessing for me. because it reminded me of my primary school days. where i guess I was as innocent as these kids, who really trusted God fully. the praise and worship was really good! all the songs spoke to me a lot even though they were supposedly kiddy songs. it was this that i had left behind over the years. even though ive learnt so much more about how difficult and lonely this journey might be, but one thing doesnt change: God and his love for me.

nothing, nothing absolutely nothing
nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing
what can take your love away?
nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing
what can make us separate?
nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing

in death or in life
what's deep or what's high
there's one thing that stays the same
no power of king can do anything
to take Your Love away

:) and yeah! the questions the kid asked, the doubts that they have, the genuine questions they had really touched my heart deeply. and for the first time in my life, i witnessed someone come to accept christ. i hope that one day, my friends will come to believe in this God that has been so real to me and has transformed my life so so much! and seeing tears come to the children's eyes because they want to be a better Christian, because they wonder why God has to die for them, because they wonder why God loves them so much? wow...

heh, God really spoke to me through this camp:)

You are the Lord
In Whom I can trust
You are the Rock
I can stand upon
Every step of the way
You take my hand and say
You will always be here
Right beside me
When I call on You
I know You come to me

You are my Lord
In Whom I can trust
You are my fortress
You are my deliverer
My shield, my strength

For all of my days
My hope is in You Jesus
You loved me with Your life
The Rock of my salvation
In Whom I can trust

im gonna buy the soundtrack if i can when its out! :)

haha .... okay this has been a mega long post! ahah

what do i need to trust God on?
i guess deep inside im worried about a lot of things- going over to Australia to study.
having to make new friends all over again
having to adapt to a new lifestyle without my family
having to be independent
whether or not ill be able to cope and do well on this path that God has led me to
and up till now, my accomodation isnt really confirmed. i still very much hope to get into Grace College, if He allows me to.
perhaps ive been questioning: will God be there with me until the very end? and i know he will, I just gotta believe it with ALL my heart like little children do :)

im so thankful, and i feel so peaceful at this moment. its the peace of God which transcends all understanding.

oh, ive also been rather worried about camp, but God has shown that He will guide me and be there with me, and has opened doors for me to get to know more people lately, so i guess i feel better about it now! :)

and i feel really really unfit now even though i only stopped running for a week, must be all the junk food from sunbeam camp! haha ... gonna run later :)

alrights! ciao~

2009-12-12T22:27:00.002+08:00

kidz camp 2009 oligopistos!

these kids have been SUCH a blessing to me,

ive never been so touched before...........

im so tired, so ill continue tmr

but I thank God for giving me this opportunity to serve, and to see what it means to be a child once again, i think its something i had forgotten along the way.

mentoring tmr! i wonder whats in store for me. :D

kidzcamp!

2009-12-11T21:17:00.003+08:00

i have missing idt sessions and i have to do makeup ):

ive been enjoying the sunbeam kidz camp so far!

haha its really really cute :) i like the praise and worship even though there are so many kiddy actions.... its fun to be kiddy once in a while

its very touching seeing these hearts of the children - so innocent,so pure, so trusting....

was i once like that? i wonder .. when i was primary school, sitting in that room at marine parade with all the 'auntie uncles' - what was i thinking at that time? visions/words/listening to God.. at that time... haha did i really understand? so sometimes i really wonder if they understand what i am saying.. but hopefully they do! and that the seed that is planted, is planted on firm ground :)

still, it is very touching to hear them share their stories.. to see them rely on you.. to see them worship God with all their hearts.. to see them look at you with those big, innocent eyes! hahaha ...... my prayer is that all of them will grow up to know you more and more, drawing closer to you as they grow older each year......

i seriously need to start praying.... this camp has really got me thinking...

but im battling a whole different war on a whole different front and it is draining. its draining a whole load of energy from me....... its really stupid.

haha, and uncle engwin's pile of junk food is really .. !! making everyone fat. i seriously cannot go on like that. haha ..... ohwells.

last day of camp tmr :) hope to make a difference in their lives......

oh! and i was station master today for this game :) haha it was actually a very good game because you see the importance of teamwork, of co-operation, and you really see from a different perspective...! its fun though :) never ever got the chance to be a station master at these kind of amazing race stuff! haha ... its tiring. and hard to explain all the stuff.

but hearing them all go "thank you jie jie samantha..." haha :) its really sweet!

chubby kids are cute btw. :D

tmr, tmr i will be

innocent childlike faith

2009-12-10T23:12:00.002+08:00

pistossimo

Every day, Every night
On bended knees I pray that
Jesus protects me, from all of the evil ones
But sometimes I will wonder, question, what if He isn’t really there
Then what will I do? What will I become?

Chorus:
Say HEY! (HEY!)
You are my God my Saviour
my stronghold when I’m weak and down

Say NO! (NO!)
To all of my doubts and fears,
with Jesus I can overcome

Say HEY! (HEY!)
You are my God my Saviour
my stronghold when I’m weak and down
And I will have all the faith to follow You

Bridge:
More, more of this faith oh God
More, more of this trust in Him, I know I can be
More, more than I am
If He’s in me, if He’s in me

kidz camp 2009!
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that he exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him
hebrews 11:6

what i need is faith :)

makeover needed

2009-12-09T00:19:00.000+08:00

i love days like these :)

marina barrage is very pretty and very nice despite the hot sun shining (and my slight sunburn... and headache)
editing photos are very fun i want to edit more photos but it is very time consuming!! i shall start with picasa, so far still simple!
and do my scrapbook for my family before i leave.... write christmas cards?? perhaps..

lots of presents i have to do, have been very lazy this year! ):

need to stop being glued to the com ... haha

2009-12-01T14:31:00.003+08:00

teaching my brother makes me wanna puke blood. i have no idea what to do with him! i want to help him, but since he's acting like he doesnt want it. forgetttt it. why cant he see that we're ALL trying to help him ???

haha is using the computer 24/7 bad for it? cos if so, my com's gonna spoil real real fast

!!!

today was operation packup day #1 which was kinda failed attempt. cos i just got really upset at the state of my room! haha i simply have TOO MANY THINGS i need to learn to let go.but enough is ENOUGH. operation packup is going to go on until i get rid of all the unnecessary things in my room!!

this is my PACKED table. p.a.c.k.e.d.
this is the .. rest of my room, actually its not that bed isnt it, cos you cant see the mess on the floor behind my chair.

i will be neat, tidy and organised. i will get rid of all these cluttered things in my room.

should i go ? should i not go?

do i need a screen protector ??? :x

haha, as you can see.. my life is no longer bumming around ... as much. i think packing my room is going to take up the entire month of december. also, deleting all the files in my old com and transfering what i need to the new com and putting things into my hard disk (in an organized manner). !!

and then january is coming, need to close 2009 and start a new selfcare list of 2010! and i signed up for TNG camp and im helping out in the sunbeamz camp, so yes!!!! my december is super busy. but i want to meet up with people too! :D

okay time to go for training, bye!

2009-11-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

hehe.... TODAY WAS ANOTHER GR8T DAYYYYY i wanted to blog in my lj, but i couldnt upload photos over there! so here's some photos of my laptop

my lovely laptop skinnn

before covering

from the insideee! see my table (not that messy luh)

up next... WHAT I COOKED LAST WEEK FOR MY FAMILY :D:D:D

VEGGG

mushroom with pork

fish beehoon souuuuuppp

okay bye people, enough playing with my laptop! i love it and i had a gr8 day today!!!! <3 CHERYL'S ROOM IS VERY VERY COSYYYYYYYYY haha i need to pack up seriously. okay TMR. nights.

i must learn to be 'me'

2009-11-28T16:47:00.002+08:00

throat hurts ):
SO tired...

anyhow, hitting PBs is always (y)
its me against the clock, nothing else, no one else

still gotta go to IT fair later to get my laptop
and maybe meet longyi/shijun/lou ???
haix. but ill be so late and town is so far... but i should stop being lazy. rawr

cg this morning was ... good! haha
yes what huifen says is true, TNG camp will be good for me.
i must start mixing around with this community if im going to call it home, because these are the people that are going to go through life's seasons with me.
if its gotta start from being intentional, then i WILL be intentional. (:!

"and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind...."

today is back to a typical samm-packed day! training --> cg --> home --> it fair --> town

i wish you knew how to appreciate me
but i wish i didnt even need it

when im just empty

2009-11-27T21:04:00.003+08:00

its come to the point where i dont even dare to face my emotions or talk about it.
becoming more and more private?

anyways, finished the last ep of You're Beautiful today! ): haha
its a nice drama (y)

my fav song! :D

one day, i will find the star in my life (: honeystarsssss <3 often i still daydream last one tmr. JIAYOUU (:

i want my smile to come back again

2009-11-27T13:28:00.002+08:00

what is unseen is what counts
ask god for wisdom

You reached out to me

2009-11-24T22:19:00.002+08:00

because i need You.

its time i stop indulging in myself.
and look back up to you.

One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble;he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;he will lift me high upon a rock.
psalms 27:4-5

grace, growth and godliness

too much time to think!

2009-11-23T23:05:00.002+08:00

laptop laptop laptop laptop hahaha

i need to stay calm and composed even though time is now passing VERY quickly,
things are suddenly starting to take shape !!
and after slacking for SO LONG,
im like ... lost!

so many things to submit. haha

needs to make shopping list SOON.

less than 90 days left in singapore! hohoho the next three months is going to pass by SUPER DUPER FAST. i need to sit down and start reflecting and stop wasting time on msn facebook ?!?! etc

well at least ive booked my air ticket. :D

2009-11-21T23:48:00.003+08:00

hohoho finally a day of prayer for me :)
even though only huifen, karen and i from cg went!

but my whole family went and we went for post-O levels celebration dinner after that :D:D and we ate so much we all wanted to explode! fattie tabbie :D

ignite the fire in my heart once again ....
it is a HEART relationship, knowing God and loving God comes hand in hand, but we cannot cultivate the heart unless it is first given by God.

everything comes back to what God has given, what He has done, how He has loved.
teach me to love, because you have first loved me.
teach me to be secure in you, teach me to give up everything else in the world for you.

its like falling in love! when you're in love, everything else is of less importance, everything else fades away.. have i truly fallen in love with Jesus?

To Jesus, saving one soul was like saving the world.. we need to learn to appreciate one soul at a time.

ahah .. and I need the hunger more hunger... deeper than ever :)

i need God to save me once again and conquer this battle for me.

i lived the week quite peacefully and quietly with nothing much going on :D OH today at cathay i went into this shop, forest and leaves or something on the 3rd floor IT HAS VERY VERY NICE BOOKS AND NOTEBOOKKKKKS there was one called listology and like it has all sort of pages to write diff lists! :D haha list of fav movies/restaurants etcetc like one whole book! and another journal thingy which was very pretty like the one loulou gave to me for my birthday hehehe :D :D

okay i shouldnt be typing like that because im already 19 (yes some people reminded me of my age this morning) 19 going on TWEN-TY ... haha

and im booking my air ticket soon. most probably 20th feb. most probably. :)

2009-11-20T10:12:00.003+08:00

when i grow up i will earn & save enough money to bring my parents on a trip to japan!!!!!

2009-11-13T21:40:00.002+08:00

ahah i didnt go out at all this week!!!!
going out meaning like going OUT with friends etcetc, but tmr meeting up with rh people :D:D yay

you know, my weekdays and weekends are really indistinguishable now...
haha everyday feels the same to me. haha!
the things i do each day .. HAHAH
where is the subbed version for ep 12 of you're beautiful!!!! ):

haha, im sorry but
i really dont like it when people tell me certain things in a certain way when they dont know whats the truth,
I need to learn to respond wisely (vs react wildly) ha ha idt (which is over!!!! ie home on a friday night, HURRAY!)

i need to learn to take harsh words from people.
mmmm yesss

okay i dont really blog nowadays, cos ... my days are all quite the same, and its easier to write in my journal

tata~~~~~~~~

2009-11-10T14:45:00.001+08:00

i didnt get into grace college ):
i dont know what to do now !!!!
i need some advice please.
on campus ? off campus? where ?!?!?!?!! ha ha

daddy and mummy come home soon please.
but ive got training tonight ):

i am 20 percent fats.
zzz

afternoon nap.....!!!

2009-11-02T09:57:00.000+08:00

hmm im testing out draftblogger cos apparently it uploads photos a lot easier! haha

1. GE RUN WAS GOODGOODGOOD haha my passion for running is ignited once again hehe 10km is really huffpuff all the way :D :D
2. i have a lot of todolists that is never exhuastive
3. i ate oats just now
4. I need to shower and go out to give tuition
5. if not for tuition, today will be a great day at home
6. i hope he's a good student today, i really dont like teaching him
7. but for the sake of helping him, for the sake of this commitment, i WILL press on and finish it
8. the things we dont know about people
9. do we need to know them?
10. the need to feel needed
11. but we learn independence
12. dependence on God alone
13. what is of utmost importance
14. im watching You're beautiful now (not Your beauty fool hehe cheryl)
15. and im gonna start reading (I visited the library yesterday!!)
and ...

im off, bye ! :D

2009-10-31T00:30:00.002+08:00

i am frustrated.

frustrated with the way i see people and expect things from people. can i not accept them the way they are? i am in no way better than them anyway!! how do i learn.

i am frustrated with my inability to park and that my parents are in no way understanding about it and in no way are helping me or guiding me or teaching me but just expecting me to suddenly LEARN how to park just like that, im sorry i cant learn just by trial and error !!!!

i was frustrated that you misunderstood me in that way. even though i know it doesnt and shouldnt matter what you think because i know i am restful. it was just a passing comment, but if i am that sure and that secure, i shouldnt even be affected at all by what you say. but i reacted, instead of responded.

respond-ability indeed

i am also very frustrated at a lot of people.and in doing so i am more frustrated at myself, cos i should not be feeling frustrated at these people.

gulpz.

BUT i had island creamery icecream today :) my dad mum and i finished the whole tub = ?!?!?!
and i dont have training tomorrow !!! hurray. ^^
and i went out with hh & cheryl on wednesday :)
we watched julia*julie which is very nice and inspiring :) i want to DO something too ^^
i also skyped with adeline and that made me very happy :) because i havent talked to her in a very long time:)
i have also been going back to school a lot and it makes me happy because hc makes me very happy :)
i wore full school uniform back the other day to meet louisa haha i miss the canteen the benches the library the central plaza
count my blessings :)

its now time to sleep. GDNITE:)

2009-10-23T22:57:00.001+08:00

had a scrumptuous meal today with some of the people from class! yeah the 12 people became .. 5 people afterall haha
but anyway it was good just catching up enjoying the good food :> laughing makes me happy :>
today feels like a saturday somehow i think its because of the dinner outing ;) ahah we didnt eat 99cents sushi in the end! so im still craving for mochi (LOUISA) hahahaha

i am becoming more and more angsty as the day passes. where did this annoyance come from.
you are number one on my list :@

2009-10-22T02:26:00.000+08:00

fairytale dreams. :D!

judge not, that you be not judged

2009-10-13T10:49:00.003+08:00

this week is relatively calm and relaxing :) YAY! spending time slacking around at home, doing nothing at all, clicking random links + watching tv + random stuff... haha this is something i must learn to treasure!

time is seemingly passing by pretty quickly! haha very soon exams would all have ended, and tuition would slowly cut down .... and then it would be holidays of my dear schooling friends and we can then MEETUP!! :) :) finally ahah and then 2009 will be OVER. haha

an entire year of doing NOTHING specifically. hahaha :)

ahah someone tell me what i should pack in my luggage? things that i can live without for 4 months and things that i NEED in australia otherwise ill have loads of difficulty bringing the stuff back!!

ahah, alrights, shall watch BOF (ya.. lag) haha and go get my polar watch voucher and tuition and training! ahah

WEDNESDAY WILL BE A GOOOOOOD DAY IM SURE HEHEHEH BECAUSE IM MEETING MY BESTEST FRIENDS WHAT CAN GO WRONG hahahahaha (l)!!!
OH.MY. cheryl i forgot that ... my tuition ends @ 6 at holland v!!!! >( aha okay mega mcspicy in the cinema ha ha

ahah every night i tell myself i will run tmr every morning i tell myself i should eat breakfast first then run then after breakfast i tell myself its okay i will run later and later never comes.
when will my morning run ever become a constant!!! i need it. haha

alrights, my luggage is only 12 kg. my room is full of things that i do not need. and i need to pack EVERYTHING into boxes. i wonder what my room will look like on my day of departure. ha ha .... like migrating.

to grow to become steadfast and secure
what you see is not what you get

be patient, the Lord says

2009-10-05T13:17:00.004+08:00

i just had pinkpink thing with egg for lunch! heh.. whatever you call that i grew up calling it pinkpink thing (l)

ahah i have a sudden interest in grey's anatomy, i wanna watch it ! edwin ask me to pass him hard disk .. now i gotta find a good hard disk so i can put all the shows + movies inside and bring it over to australia! shall ask daddy about it soon :) [ya cant wait to get my own laptop + skype too hehhhe]

ah well, its now less than 140 days to the start of school! ya i know .. which idiot starts counting down so early right.ahah oopsie but actually its not that early either... the next 4 + months will fly by for sure! feb dont need to say .. last month + cny = nonexistent alr.. jan is like first month of the year.. will also fly by. dec also ?!?! with christmas and all.

hehe i wanna upload photos....

COOKIE DOUGH TOPPED BROWNIEEEEEEEEEE yumyum

with cheryl at kaiming's social nite! ahah of course she went with someone else hehe :D

sending jingjing offfff haha adeline and mel are also gone in the uk haha i miss them :o

AND THIS ! is my happy family hahaha daddy's birthday happy birthday daddy forever ever last birthday i get to celebrate is mummy's on the 23rd of dec.

THIS IS THE CAKE I BAKEDDDD chocolate turtle cheesecake haha I LIKED IT... very rich but .. DELICIOUS in my opinion hahahaha yay!

less than a month to great eastern!!!! i just realised. haha gotta start training hard. :o

rays prayer ytd morning was on anger. how we deal with it.... i thought perhaps i wasnt really an angry person. but i was wrong. haha god always proves me wrong, time after time he reveals to me the darkness of my own heart. and i can only come before him broken, and ask for his forgiveness again.

but i need a breakthrough.... i need a breakthrough

its raininggggg hahahaha yay :D

i dont want to do it anymore.. no. it has gotta stop.

2009-09-29T17:46:00.003+08:00

i want time to come to a standstill the hours are passing FAR too quickly i cant catch up with it STOPSTOPSTOP.

the countdown to brisbane is ticking and all of a sudden i want it to slow down..
slow down slow down but the world does not revolve around me

I BAKED CHEESECAKE TODAY I LOVE CHEESECAKEEEEEEEEEEEEE

lovehate relationship with my fats ha ha

live an abandoned life for the abundant life!

2009-09-16T21:35:00.004+08:00

hehheh you know hari raya is coming when you keep smelling yummy cookies and cakes from the house below!! EVERYDAY!!! smells REAAALLLYYYY good.. ahah

i realise that i have a lot of photos. which i never ever upload. haha such a bad habit! i have a lot of sec four class photos also.... hmms. ahah .. last time we always upload into some album then everyone go copy and save from there.. but facebook quality canot copy and save! haha and people seldom send photos ... then all the photos put on facebook only. hahah. ..

ohwells. idt test coming :x :x ahah ... this week is going at a nice comfortable pace. :)

okay .. photos !

my lovely parents (l) DEAREST DG!!!!!!!!!!! much love hehe dont you think she looks so cool with the funky specs + present we got for her + the sparkling juice!!!! hahaha

THE CAKE I BAKED............. hehehe i think it looks very nice :) my first time baking a cake on my own! hahaha maria was my inspiration hahaha

last but not least MY ROOM ..... WITH THE NEWLY ADDED BED! :)

ahah uploading photos is such a SLOW process i give up ill just dump it in facebook.. ahah BYE!

2009-09-15T07:51:00.002+08:00

quick post before i zoom off for breakfast with sharon! ahah hopefully its still on... she might not know that im now contactable cos i have gotten a sim replacement!

so i lost my phone, was pretty upset, but well i got a sim replacement & found out that my parents havent sold off my old pink phone! so yes, im back to using it once again and i still do have some of my old contacts inside.. those which i saved into my phone. thank God really.

1. i will be more careful from now on :)
2. i will learn that all these are just THINGS that are not important and learn not to cling on to it....

"do not love the world or the things in the world. if anyone loves the world, the love of the father is not in him. for all that is in the world - the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride in posessions, is not from the father but from man" 1 john 2: 15-16

haha yes. IDT midterm checkup is coming up once again! aye. finish well finish well.

shall upload photos in the next post! :D

still a little sad over the lost of my phone... but its alright
and i realised... i realised how everything was not okay

100909

2009-09-10T23:22:00.000+08:00

i am so thankful for the ride home tonight.. ahah dont think you'll ever read this but really! thanks a billion ^^

im just glad the day's over:)
very glad indeed.

hoho but i like my new tution student he seems so happy just because he solved one maths question!!!
which reminds me.... i havent prepared for tmr's lesson with angeline rawr promised her ill get her some extra questions that are harder then O level standard hmms! ahah

and i cant wait for this week to be over who wants to watch the proposal with me?? assuming its still on and assuming cheryl's still free for time traveler's on sunday.

ahah gosh so many things to do this week is busy to the max... seriously

and i am fat and i need to lose weight ):
and i need to stop saying this and do something about it!!!
zzz ):

gdnite loves...

today i heard the song lucky again. at macs while giving tuition.
i never thought i would feel this way. i was never a dates-person.
but today. today i am just really sad. ):

but its okay because tmr is coming...
i spent almost an hour catching up with qt @ kfc along with popcorn chicken and im reminded that God is my biggest comfort.. he wont let go of me, so hold his hand and hold it tight and dont ever ever let go ....................................................

memories

2009-09-09T17:40:00.000+08:00

today is 090909

what is our greatest need?

2009-09-06T22:50:00.000+08:00

the greatest need of mankind is forgiveness. to be forgiven and to forgive.

our whole life is spent searching... what are we searching for? sometimes we do not even know.. searching for love, searching for significance. we are searching for something... something that only God can give. yet, we do not truly embrace what He has already given, and we continue searching...

teach me to embrace that which you have already given me :)
how much do we truly believe in what we believe in?
our lives will reflect the condition of our soul :)

to be anchored, upon that which is unseen......
to come in the posture of prayer.

ahah .. random thoughts all over my head. i always have random thoughts running through all over my mind....
LIKE I HAVEN SHOWERED!! argh just remembered ..
i feel very restless sometimes. i need to do what i need to do. my shortlived passion for things must be transformed into a lifelong passion!!!! urgh.

this.is.incoherent.

we had the final cg party today and i went!!! yes i like talking to the adults in cg because they give me a very warm feeling and make me feel very welcomed, very at home, and very cared for. despite the fact that i do not really go for cg with my parents, despite the fact that i am way older than all the kids there, despite everything, they are so welcoming and so caring and i thank God for them because they have showed me how a CG should be like - a true community that supports one another as we journey on in life, with Christ!

anddddd a whole week of tuition lies ahead of me. ahhaha !
pleaseplease study hard and do well for your exams people
pleaseplease be a good student:)

i wanna watch the proposal and time traveler's wife. :D :D
time is never enough i need to make time!!!

but well, im thankful that i still have six months of rest:)

jiayouu everyone for school! i know it seems stressfu and all.... you all deserve a big hug! haha dont forget to take breaks and balance school with... the rest of life. haha

time to shower.
tuition + babysitting + pack room + read tmr.
still as busy as ever. hee!

L plate

2009-09-02T16:25:00.000+08:00

i realised i havent blogged for quite long! haha i wonder why...

anyways. super busy with tuition nowadays... and training(whats left of it)
ahah fell quite sick last week! which was also idmc.. which was great. i like the theocentric and anthropocentric way of putting things because it put things very clearly! even in the way we think about God, we still think about ourselves first. ha ha ha ...

and what else.... a lot of things happened! adeline's party on saturday :) :) :) i love hanging out with old friends, esp when we're just so comfortable with everyone (l) (l) (l)

porridge buffet on sunday !!!!! i like the porridge buffet, its cheap and good! :) Cheryl ate with us :) ahah .. she knows my family v well already hahaha anniversary service was very very different from normal service! haha but it was good in its own way i guess :D

today i have NOTHING on!! i like days like these, where i can just go about doing my own stuff, no stress, no hurry etc ahah oh monday was fun!!! i babysitted auntie jessie's children which are REALLY cute... ahah kept asking me to play this play that.. ahah and then off to the club for dinner! haha and somehow beacuse my parents overlooked it--> 4 out of 5 dishes we called were vegeterian.. ahah and they were wondering why the fish tasted funny ... etc i thought they did it on purpose! and because we had extra money to spend, otherwise they'll make us pay anyway cos the levy's up.. we ate cheesecake! heh and then we played photohunt which is our favourite game ever cos we always play it so many times just to get our name up there and because the machines were new the high scores were relatively low so we got our name on all three machinesss !!!ahah ill miss my family so much

and so we got our cert from MOH! ahah but .. havent signed anything yet. probably signing only in december.. speaking of which its sept! (i typed feb initially) HAHA... sept oct nov dec jan feb! haha we're on to the last third of 2009! which seemingly i have not done much i have not achieved much but yet this has been a year of learning.. not learning in the way that i have been 'learning' for the past .. 12 years? but a different kind of learning.. learning more about LIFE, learning more about SOCIETY, and most importantly! learning more about God and the life we are called to live.

ahah and this is just the beginning of my journey ... i will always be an 'L' plate in this learning journey! haha

i was asking my dad about this: how much of life is predestination and how much of a 'choice' do we have?
we DO have a choice, God gives us a choice... and yet he also has a path of destiny for us to take. yet the Israelites were not destined to wander in the desert for 40 years, but because of what they did, they took a big roundabout to end up in the promise land.... but somehow, God knows us inside out and thus he would know what kind of choices we would make, wouldnt he? yet at the same time, everything happens for a reason.
1. God is good
2. God is in control
3. God will bring IT to past
ahah predestination or not, let us just live our life walking with Him, for His glory because at the end of the day, thats all that matters.

and i have to keep reminding myself of what matters and what doesnt because it is so easy to get distracted...

what a long post to make up for everything. ahah!okay shall blog more regularly .. i think because ive been writing in my journal. :)

takecare

2009-08-22T00:13:00.002+08:00

hiii I HAVE A NEW BED COMING IN TWO WEEKS! with a nice fat mattress and its a super single bed! ahah i feel happy thinking about my bed and the cake i baked at maria's house ... :)

gep dinner was boring but i guess i had a nice time chatting with people around me (ahah) and seeing my primary school teachers again plus some psch mates like yingxian!! whom i have not seen since i graduated (ie SEVEN years ago) anyhow, that was that.

i wanna upload photos but im so tired and sleepy im gonna crash.nights! i just wanted to say that i have a new bed... and im going to reorganise my room ...

yay for happy thoughts flooding our minds and yes.

i will finish well and complete the things i set out to do this break. ie FINISH.READING.MY.BIBLE. by hook or by crook.

tata~

2009-08-17T09:16:00.000+08:00

*insert photo of UP* the house, balloons, russell, the dog
haha i like UP :) :) :)!!!!

i also have my own dreams and aspirations and i hope that one day all of these will come true
and sometimes i wish i would be more anchored in God more secure in Him and what I believe in
then my life would be happier because i wouldnt care so much about what other people think of me and my happiness!

and all of us derive happiness from different things and i would be able to be happy for other people too (haha i would like to have a bigger heart)

happiness is a CHOICE

life in Christ is well, the best! what more could I ask for :)

maybe its just because I have no school now lah ........... and a lot of people have school. and are moving on....

yes. i will be sad no more haha it was just a passing fleeting morning
loneliness is something i struggle with often too much
i think i should not think too much!!!!

ha ha... okay bukit batok here i come i dont like the weather today haha

i want to be able to run a marathon without stopping and my commitment jump commitment...... i must put in the effort then. :)!

i like the storage box with the chipmunks staring at me!!!! hehehehehehehe

my authority

2009-08-14T23:48:00.003+08:00

back from idt! i must say how thankful i am for having parents who have imparted so much to me, for bringing me to tons of seminars like the iblp one and thus allowing me to learn a lot even at such a young age --> but now i gotta put these things into practice !! yes

trust. trust. trust.
let go and let God.
God is my ultimate authority, always and forever. when i go to australia (this must be the umpteenth time im saying this), this is something i MUST remember..

anyway the main reason why i wanted to blog is .. grace college received my application!! yay. okay that doesnt mean that i have been accepted yet but well.. its one step closer! haha have to fill in even more forms now.. okay one more. but its long! and have to think! and uh arrange for a phone interview!!! i will pray very very hard that i get in... please D:

and how come I am still awake at this hour when i slept only 2 hours last night/this morning?!?! what is wrong with me.. haha

note to self: go on a 'diet' after army half marathon!! ha ha ha

2009-08-14T11:05:00.003+08:00

): the pancakes turned out gooey ):
i want to learn how to make nice pancakes ):
and
im missing cheryl's company!!! D:
last night was so fun not fun as in we did a lot of fun things but really FUN like just slacking on the couch/bed talking/crapping ahah <3 <3

as i grow older i really learn to treasure the company of close friends more and more..... people that i can really just slack around with... people who have journeyed with me so far and i know will continue to journey with me on this life on earth :) new friends, old friends, friends from cca, class, various trips, i want to hold on to all these relationships that God has given me.. but sometimes its so difficult ! there's only limited amount of time and attention we can give to the people around us ): i wish i can have a bigger HEART!

and I sent jieyee off at the airport yesterday! as i was writing her card, it really brought back memories of our cambridge trip, the tutorials by the pond, the late nights @ room 17, the shooting stars, the chinese restaurant, the shopping, the food, the cards, the 'sunrise', the jiemeibang, the casino, everything everything about that trip that is deeply etched in my heart and i dont ever ever want to forget any of this
and as i sent her off, i wondered how i will feel at the airport next year! yes, its still a long way to go.. but somehow i feel that i need SIX MONTHS to prepare myself.. i could feel myself tearing as i saw her cry too!even though im not even very close to her.. going away to a foreign environment is just... indescribable! depends on how long ill be away also.. mixed feelings lah...! heh

yep it may seem too early to think about this but........ somehow im just thinking about it!!

im glad that i got to send her off:) wonders if people will be there to send me off too.. hmms!

and i bought a new scheduler !! to compliment louisa's organiser haha i feel very prepared to lead a neat and organised life now :) :) after i pack my room *bleh*

everyone's moving on ...but i hope there will be a handful of people that will journey to the end with me <3!

oh and everyone flying off please update me with when you are doing so --> i really wanna be there :)

2009-08-12T23:58:00.002+08:00

MySpace Countdowns

HAHA.. my countdown is becoming slightly obsessive. cant help it.. everyone's starting school

we're singing at the beginning for moh thingy. haha.. life is a journey indeed..........
that was the very song...
do you remember?
i remember they played it at grad day too
will i ever forget?
at the beginning.. with ... you .....................

hehehe i baked apple jam!!!! haha i hope it turns out fine :x not sure its sitting in the fridge now....

HOT WEATHER PLS DISSISSIPATE now haha how do you spell it ahah lazy me was too lazy to go to town so no UP for me with zak tmr ): miss going out with that girl soonsoon k !!!! hehehehe (L)

my responsibility is to finish the bible

2009-08-10T23:33:00.003+08:00

in the light of moh presentation and having to think of my life mottos etc
there are some things i would like to hold on to
1) finish well
2) keep the faith
3) live for Christ- my life doesnt belong to me
4) balance
5) be thankful
6) invest in the lives of others
7) tbc....

heh im so happy that there are quite a lot of moh people staying in the east !!!! best day of my life --> having people to travel home with me ha ha ha you dont understand the feeling.... six years. six years of bukit timah.!!! and everyone asks me how i survived ha ha ... anyhow, its time for everyone to feel what its like to TRAVEL...kekeke

anyhow, all the best to all starting school tmr! embarking on the next phase of your journey in life.... exciting im sure :)

and no one will know whats going on in your head except you yourself and God above.. and that is whats scary trust no one no one no one dont put your hope on man but only in God above

what if i took another path but no this is my path my journey to walk and I WILL WALK ON.... always and i know im not alone

i never liked talking to you about it
self righteous perhaps judgemental perhaps i dont know what it is but
God is this supposed to help me grow too

haha okay what an incoherent post!!as usual haha i shall stop trying to justify myself...
i dont have to
bye!

2009-08-09T22:53:00.003+08:00

happy birthday singapore !!!!
haha
national day .... not very in the mood but yet deep inside there's this indescribable feeling
knowing that next time this year ill be somwehere far far away
i wonder what life will be like --> foreign environment away from family & friends
but God is unchanging.
(and im constantly reminded of the need to finish my bible reading before i leave... :x)

everyone's not home on national day night!!
had a good dinner @ gugu's place tonight
time to runnn tmr army half this sunday :o :o help

uh. and yes! life is back to normal. i think.. i hope.
so what have i learnt from this?
that God is above all else... ?

i wish i wish i had a bigger heart

we all need a revival - somewhere, somehow.
God save our land....
give me a passion for the lost.
create thirst.........

i love my pink notebook (l)

2009-08-09T00:26:00.002+08:00

i dont like this.....
dont dare.
dont know.

i want to make things right.
but how?

dont be too stressed.
dont find my identity by what they say.

my identity is in Christ and i will cling on to this for as long as i know it

thanks huifen for listening and for all the great advice today i will reflect i will learn i will grow i will journey with God with the community i need a community

thanks everyone else who have listened who have provided some form of comfort who have cheered me up made things better everyone who was there for me thanks a lot :) i appreciate it very much from the bottom of my heart

strawberry oreo icecream :)

everyone in the CG lets watch UP its a mustwatch i havent been in the cinema in ages.... D: and there were seasons where i was the crazy cinema goer what happened ! haha

words that cut

2009-08-07T23:34:00.002+08:00

thanks for topping my gr8t day with some frosting...
yeah. what a great way to end the day.
cream cheese frosting indeed.

its not as if i havent been trying.
for the past few months?!

if you havent realised
you've been busy at night with work as well
of course you dont see me...
your tension at work has been brought home as well
and im feeling it.

i dont know i dont know........
tell me how
tell me what to do

its not as if when i make some effort to stay at home
you appreciate it anyway...
so whats the point?!?!
the little effort i make doesnt go anywhere
so should i be making a bigger effort and hope that, it goes somewhere?

i do not treat you like a driver neither do i treat her like the maid.
you were upset over other things and you vented it on me.
as if we couldnt hear your banging of everything everywhere when you come home
its not that im not understanding ... but im not oblivious.
you think you're the only one

sure, ive to check myself first and i know, i know that i havent been at home much
i know that there are many things that i fail to do
i know that in many ways, im not the perfect daughter. nowhere near.
but i try... ive been trying all my life.

maybe i should get a job --> that would excuse me from being absent at home.
mon night i was home early. wed night i was at home i made it a point to stay at home to help to cook.
nope, it didnt help at all.
and how do I tell you my schedule? when you hardly have the time to listen anymore and neither do i know your schedule..
and do you not see me around at home, or do i not see you around at home? its two way is it not...

have you ever spoken to me kindly..
guided me along to do the things you want me to help out with?
its always always with the harsh tone.
not even the naggy tone.

if ure not happy with me training......... maybe i shldnt train anymore
if im home no one's at home no one talks to me at home then why do i stay at home for??
if im not in the computer im in my room does that make a difference to you ?
so when i make the effort to talk ure too busy to listen nowadays anyway...
what happened to the family i once knew to the parents who listened to everything i had to say i hate your job sometimes
and if its not even going anywhere.. then ?
?
?

God show me the way.
im shaken.
thanks for the hug anyway mum :)
at least i know... you care.

sorry kaiming for the wasted trip anyway.
): for the wrong bus too
):

and to think i want to go for cg tmr.
are you going to blame me for not being around too ?

i treasure this family a lot
i set aside my sunday night and monday afternoon for the family meals
im not free. i made sure i am.

i still love this family a lot and am grateful for whatever God has given me.....
right now I just feel like..... i dont know. ).: cries.
to know that im going away in six months does not help and thats why im trying to spend more time at home but nope you think that im ..??
and what about reaching out to people

tell me, do I really treat the home as a hotel?
now i really really really want to disappear...... poof.

and why did you have to pop up. at all times. of all days
when i thought it was all over.....
when i thought that i was over it..
God had dealt with it.. had he not

2009-08-05T20:28:00.002+08:00

before i leave, i wanna learn how to play the guitar
i believe its a great skill to have....

and i wanna write christmas cards to everyone! so please give me your address !!!! haha.. will keep it with all my heart:) shall start collating addresses NOW!! (haha my shortlived passion acting up again)

was just flipping through my stuff to sift out letters that i wanna bring down under and stuff that i wanna pack and seal into boxes (yes i know its early..) but cos im trying to pack my room up and stuffs.. haha saw a lot of letters from the past.... all the memories.. funny how some people have moved on so much when we used to write to each other so .. ?excitedly? haha

but well! ill treasure the memories and try to maintain whatever relationships/friendships i have now! hahahah

yeps. though everyone is so busy.... hopefully we'll still make effort to maintain close ties with the people we treasure :) :)

hehe so yes! I think i shouldnt be thinking so far ahead --> six more months... but cant help it. haha

well this month there's.. dinner with mrs lim/IDMB!/gep dinner ??

okay i guess ive decided, grace college here i come ! please accept my application :S

sun, sand and sea

2009-08-05T08:40:00.001+08:00

sentosa on monday with rach&ems!
ahah ... lots of spas photos >.<
and.. we built a sandcastle!!!! haha
i think i got sunburnt though... tanline + painful skin on the back!

ahha and i drank starbucks yesterday!
thanks maria :D:D
haha i seldom drink starbucks......... like almost never. haha!!
and i ate a huge muffin and finished it !!!! but it was yummy
never take a photo of it... :>(

i need liquid paper!! wrote the dates in my new organiser all wrong.

i want to add photos! how do i do it... the bar thingy on top's no longer there i just realised!

the heart is deceitful above all things

2009-08-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

everything's pointing back to the heart...

to think that i thought balaam was a good guy.
haha thats how it is nowadays anyway right?
what we see vs what we do not see...
insightful message today!

deep inside. deep down under: what matters most is my motive
my heart
the million dollar WHY question
why do i do what i do?

the journeys going to be tough from here
i know it
but i know who my master is and God i choose to follow you! :)

check my heart.
o God search me and turn me inside out...
the sinful thoughts and desires that are within me
repent. and help me deal with it.

this month. we're searching deep within

the reward of unrighteousness, turn AWAY from it....
the love for personal gain
matthew 6:24 .... no one can serve two masters.....

our struggles .. our inconsistencies.. God help us.
first, help me. ill be the first to confess...

create thirst. more of You
only You can satisfy :)

what an incoherent post?!?!
note to self : reflect more

get back into the momentum samm!!!!!! rawr

:@ at my chubby face

trust and surrender.

2009-07-27T23:01:00.004+08:00

dawn prayer today!:)
and met up with rach yeungggg haha havent seen that girl in AGES.
she has such a strong accent now! the english accent eh!
hahaha .. yeah had a good time "swimming" more like soaking and reminiscing about old times! yay!
she's like 18 alr.. and im 19! haha how we've grown!
wearing contacts + makeup + everything haha
i mean not me... hehe

okay gotta sleep. woke up SO early this morning (510??) and slept so late this morning ahah (1 plus am ??) nights ! im so tired i wonder if my reflections even made sense... goodnights everybody!

Lord, Create thirst in me.
God you are better. you are better than anything else that i ever knew.
i choose you. help me to choose you over everything else.

its so easy to say one thing
but living it out in reality, i have so much more to go!
but this is my journey :]
and i know im not alone!
and though i cant, God can<3

i wish you were somewhere near

2009-07-25T08:00:00.003+08:00

i wanted to be home so badly
but now that im home....
im not feeling as happy as i thought i should be

somehow or other it disrupted the momentum of life
somehow or other i really miss my family but not seeing everyone at home makes me feel that the house is so empty
somehow or other

the commitment i made was not the very commitment i would have liked to make
but some things are personal...
i too, need to have more faith in God

this makes me realise how i might not be as adaptable as i thought i would be afterall
will i have the courage?
when we are all alone, when we are on the path in darkness and silence, the path which was once so familiar, will we have the courage to take every step forward?
i am very scared of the dark. i dislike the unknown
i appreciate silence, but sometimes the close company of a few would be better appreciated

or like when doing high elements, who is my belayor?
i know God is my belayor and therefore i can trust him
but can i trust myself? or, do i even need to trust myself?
he gives me strength, he gives me courage......
that should be more than sufficient

or sometimes, we are stuck in situations for extended periods of time together
like kayaking
how will we choose to respond to such situations?
respond, not react....

busy week ahead!!
i dislike laggy computers !
haha
and i trimmed my own hair

hahah and im still in my PJs!

align my heart, orientate my compass

2009-07-20T00:35:00.004+08:00

the condition of our hearts.. who knows?? only God
i am so glad that this relationship is unchanging
i am so glad that i know! that He is my master

when we do not have a consistent prayer life, when we hit a crisis, we will not have the foundation to deal with it, and our prayers end up becoming very selfcentred.. when i look inside myself... ahah... hehe

God you complete me :)
i love you hehe
what would i do without you ??
its so difficult the path is narrow but i only want to please YOU.

i hope my jersey blessed someone else today bleh :o

im going for obs! with anticipation and excitement!
see you all 5 days later
no more chatterbox in the house

oh and God thank you for running with me today! (l)

byez i shld really sleep

2009-07-19T21:49:00.002+08:00

hehehe today is elliot's birthday happy birthday bro ^^
sorry no present yet i think ive been slacking off too much lately phwoar!!!
well i know ull never read this but..
my brothers (even with all their horrible perkz and our lack of closeness..)
will always be my lovely brothers ^^

went for jap buffet @ serene centre + island creamery icecream!! haha
i think im gonna explode now but it was a good dinner <333 and gr8 company

and my reward for a hard 10km run this morning!! wakaka

and ytd had swimmer's gathering cos jaan's back!
had a good time talking to yao/ems (bengoh for a bit..)/rachgoh etc and seeing the rest of the people! yup and wangjiao lian!!!! hahahah yah ^^ meeting up's always good

and awards day..
hc love (l)

and my stomach hurts now ):
and .... i havent packed for obs

and

i always ponder over what people say
i wonder.. how come our world can be so different sometimes
one's life can be so foreign to another

but anyway
im too tired to think!

and my shaperun jersey ):

im back and im here to stay!

2009-07-15T23:54:00.003+08:00

thank God for friends who loves me and appreciates me
thank God for cheryl! for showering me with lots of sweets and chocolates and a lovely note (btw where's my birthday card...) just to show that she cares and she's there
and for louisa who has been !! such a fantastic junior haha would never have thought we would ever be such gr8 pals ^^
for peishi and our laughs and conversations
for kaiming for longyi and all the other crossies
for SPY haha spy girls saves the day ^^
for classmates ^^
for ex-colleagues ^^

you know who you are, well thank you! sorry i cant name everyone here

to all my friends: i thank God for placing you in my life! <3

and to you; well i thank God for you too :) and i hope, i hope we'll all just grow in Christ and walk closer to Him. whatever happens from this time forth, i leave it in the hands of the Heavenly Father ...
who says im not hurting? of course i have questions for you, for myself, for anyone who can answer me.. but it doesnt matter... its a journey and im back in the operating theatre ^^ glad to be back

i went swimming today ^^ haha or soaking ?!?! haha! it was random! but had a gr8 time anyway! :D

and yes, i believe in everlasting friendships

because i trusted

2009-07-15T09:31:00.005+08:00

haha its raining so i cant go cycling! >(
haha

aaaaand our sleepover is cancelled/postponed. again!
haha
ohwells.
now i have two free days! suddenly.
rawr

hehe my brain thinks a lot slower now!! i look at all the chem questions and i ... force my brain to function hahaha
but anyway :)
sixth avenue(fifth) is quite a nice place haha

and anyway
i dont know what im doing today

but im moving on
cos it doesnt seem to matter anymore

you are my refuge you are my ROCK
and i trust in you always <3

2009-07-14T13:35:00.002+08:00

http://kuali.com/recipes/viewrecipe.asp?r=588

i wanna cook this

#1 God must be at the centre

2009-07-13T23:08:00.004+08:00

today i went cycling !
and had an adventure of my life

hahaha i cycled from my house to bedok reservoir to meet shengwei and we cycled to ecp and met our classmates and cycled somemore and then we went to katong! the food haven to have chicken rice and then katong laksa haha and then i was so tired i called my parents for SOS who didnt reply me so i ended up cycling home with shengwei

hahaha!!! i have never cycled so much in my life before cycled on the road cycled on the dark it was fun i guess :) thanks for accompanying me !!!! ahah i would never have done it alone wakaka
and seeing classmates was nice! girls lets have a sleepover/prawning outing okayokay i shall email you all now like asap haha ! yay sleepover on wed <3

and uhh. tuition with lou tmr !
and OBS next week
ahah my july is packed !!! :D

gdnight everyone!:)

waking up in the morning is the worse
its like a nightmare
but for once
i finally understand how it feels

sometimes i wish that i can be more typical
typical problems we face typical emotions
etcetc
but its not only about me or you
but about someone higher

its a constant battle

but i guess what makes it worse is
the truth
the truth always hurts. right?
i believe people far too easily.

forever faithful

2009-07-12T22:51:00.002+08:00

i am going cycling tmr!
meetup with random team mates yesterday was good ^^
heh
poolz and i won one game !! haha with gary my pool partner we are so good we finish one game after the other table has finished almost three?? haha
dinner @ ernie's
^^ yay for POSH brownies
and lou's cookies
and fries
and beef ball noodles haha

and worship yesterday @ cell was alright too! ^^
somehow time seems to come to a standstill when im leading
yah ?? stepping out of my comfort zone indeed but it was a call
a call taht i had to obey
God is quick to act this season. very quick indeed.

wow so happening whats up this week tablemates sleepover class gathering tuition with lou training moh briefing??? idt

weekends seem to disrupt my schedule

BTW lou got me a really PRETTY notebook for my birthday it is pink with pretty pages and a monthly schedule!! in a bid to get me more organised haha i shall use it when i go to australia ^^ and ill buy another one which would be my detailed day to day stuffs OMG MY LIBRARY BOOKS ARE DUE TMR !!!! or today ???
argh ):

must rmb to return TMR phwoar

okay its late i have been sleeping past 12 for like how many days already today is sleep early day !
byebye

i think that km was right. about how i feel right now.

haha.. s2pid boy

gdnite

2009-07-09T13:22:00.002+08:00

i watched ghosts of the girlfriends past yesterday it was okay haha
power lies in the hands of the one who cares less, perhaps its true, but happiness comes from truly loving someone from the bottom of your heart, and really taking a risk to love.

haha
i just wantead to write that before i forget !!!
yah...
bye !

2009-07-09T13:22:00.001+08:00

God i live for you <3

2009-07-05T21:26:00.003+08:00

God im seeking an intimacy with you and an intimacy ive never known before
i live for you and you alone i dont live for others i dont live for myself
YOU are the CENTRE of my life and the lover of my soul
and im eternally grateful to have you in my life

when i sin i sin against YOU and YOU only. not against my brothers and sisters but against you and thats what grieves your heart the most.

but confess and repent and Lord i know you will cleanse me cant express my gratefulness for that

not my reputation not my glory but yours but God do you know how difficult is that
that is why you ask not for us to be perfect but for us to always come back to you
and it must be daily

God this is just the first week and we both know how the first week is always the easiest lord bring me through this month i want to last i want to finish well but not by my strength but yours

thankyou for even putting this desire in me
may the I decrease and the YOU increase

sometimes it is so easy to just give this all up in this case i wouldnt be complicating matters in terms of a lot of things including relationship
if it was just romance if it was just you and I
but its not
the heart is deceitful above all things, guard it sam. GUARD IT !!

so many things you have taught me
and you tell me to be patient, even in seeing changes in my life because it is a process, a long one indeed.

there are few servants, because many rather be bossess
there are few servants, but even fewer with servant spirits
** a servant spirit is one who is there to serve God not man so when man doesnt seem to appreciate our efforts, is there a stirring in my heart?
**grace&gratefulness
there are few servants, and even fewer sacrifices
**who can compare to thee?

i used to feel that im living my life for others sometimes doing things i dont really wanna do then ill retreat into my shell so i can live MY life but i recognise now that i was so wrong my life is redeemed in Christ it belongs to me no more yes indeed my life in your control, use me not because you need me but because you love me teach me to be sensitive to be discerning

what do i know? haha
how can i ever understand ...........

sin is not a weakness its not a character it is SIN. and god hates it God teach me to hate it as much as you do. to treat it with as much ferocity and aggression as i should...
7 deadly sins we struggle with daily
-pride, greed, envy, anger, apathy, gluttony, lust

isnt life such a struggle?? daily i must come clean and be cleansed...
ahahah
"we cannot keep the birds from flying around our head, but we can prevent them from building a nest on our heads"

i am so immature i have a long way to go so much more to grow

i thank you SO MUCH for mentors for dg mates for parents for brothers !! ^^
my dad is such a wonderful earthly father what can i do without him
and my mum too
what can i do without them who will i be without them what have i done to deserve this?? nothing so i can only be grateful and offer my life back to You its alr yours anw

i am so glad that i can talk with my parents about everything anything from the most mudane things in life to spiritual thing where they guide me SO MUCH... so much i bet even more then i know it

at the very end of all this keep me humble
for it is a lifelong process
and i have so much more to go

amen.
I need to know the word more to mediate upon it to study it memorise it to hide it in my heart
so evidently I need so much more help in this area
for when heaven and earth fades, only your word remains (mark 13:31)

on a lighter note(if any of you reaches here)
I DROVE MY FAMILY ALL AROUND TODAY and i cant park for nuts.. ha ha
seriously my parking FAIL no pole must use rearview mirror = cannot park
ha ha but i wanna drive more and become a smooth driver !! and an expert parker ! hahaha
^^ and having 4 ppl commenting on ur driving + giving instructions at the same time = no joke ha ha

and a promise i make
to go for dawn prayer
to go for a 2 hr slot
to go for the rays slot

ta ta what a long reflective post !!!!!!!! albeit disjointed haha everything cramped together joined together!!!!!!!!! hahaha

oopsie
another things: queensland or sydney???

2009-07-04T22:13:00.002+08:00

hi hi hi i am watching boys over flowers with my family now haha !!

had tiramisiu cake finally blew candles for my 19th birthday !!yyummy

i wanna try bakerzin cheesecake though its on like mega discount now..

ytd i had a jampacked day with yan at the gym/pool/bowling alley!

i want to bowl > 100 haha

hmms and

I drove ytd!! to church!

i cant park for nuts

need more prac lessons by my daddy :)

this is a short post in attempt to cheer my blog up im a happie girl lah ^^

next week is a packed week!!!! yay

contrast to this week stay home kid haha

byez

swimming was my first love and will always be

2009-07-02T10:57:00.002+08:00

i watched the AYG live on my small tiny computer screen :)
but it brought back so many memories
how can I ever forget the 10 odd years i spent swimming?
the pool was the most familiar environment to be in
the pool contained all our happiness, disappointments, friendships
where i used to push myself so hard
where.. i cant even put the experience into words !

i miss swimming.... but i know i can never go back again
but the memories will be etched in my heart forever and ever

now, to bring this to running

i dont want running to become a fear
dont want it to be so pressured by it
i want to embrace it

Man cannot be trusted

2009-07-01T15:28:00.003+08:00

i dont know what to blog about these days.

what do i choose to hold on to?
only three things are eternal..
only three

the tug of war is between God and the world
which side am i on?
i want to be on God's side

it is so clear sometimes what the right path is
but yet
for some reason we still choose to stray away
because we cannot see

obedience must be 100 %
I must learn to come to You in Your terms not on mine
i asked where were you? are you listening to me
but you said i was always here. did you pause to listen to me? when i spoke, did you listen to me?

God i will compromise no more. i will hold on only to things that will last.. when heaven and earth fades, only Your word shall remain.

it is a constant battle a constant struggle pick me up once again
i am not perfect i never will be but
each time i fall i pray that God You will pick me up and bring me back to you
your faithfulness is everlasting and i know that You never fail
teach me and help me to hide this truth in my heart forever and ever every single hour minute second that i live
because often it is so easy to forget

i am finally reading something and actually making progress
this is a book i should have read long ago
well better late then never?!?! i hope